I know of people who have been attacked on their scooters. To say, "at worst, an attempt at flirtation" dismisses the fact that we are more vulnerable on scooters than in a locked car. While likely a very rare instance, a whistle and compliment can be a distraction to gain time, to pull a victim in long enough for an attack. Based on this thread many of us women, at least, clearly feel more vulnerable on our scooters. Calling it "harmless" also downplays the mental/emotional aspects of street harassment.george54 wrote:Mike, Dave and I were basing our replies solely on jackie103's LATEST post - Wednesday Sept. 9th- and not her first post. Yes, the first one referenced an instance that contained rudeness. Jackie later on related a story that I did not see as containing obvious rudeness. Maybe his intent was rudeness, but it saw it as at best, a friendly "hello" (maybe awkward due to the short time one has when someone is passing by on a scooter ) and, at worst, an attempt at flirtation.ModernMike wrote:I wouldn't worry about apologizing. The OP wrote, "...these college guys will be rude to me while I'm riding. They'll yell obscene things at me or say things that make me feel like they are mocking or making fun of me." Her post was not rude, nor did she discribe rude or obscene acts or comments. It's her judgement and hers alone to determine what is rude or obscene. Dave was not there. I was not there. It's pretty tough to belittle someone's feelings regarding specific events when you are not there to witness the act or comments.laurfunkle wrote: My bad, I certainly am not meaning to start anything! I've just been on the wrong side of cat calling on my scoot and although I try not to let it get to me, some of the people that do it could very well (and sometimes obviously) have malicious intent. Maybe I did indeed take it the wrong way. More coffee please!
Regarding, Jackie's post on Sept 9 -- In black and white, yes, it may seem harmless and friendly, but as any woman will tell you, it's all about the tone -- and we're usually pretty good at interpreting tone. I've gotten a million compliments on my scooter that have left me bright and beaming.
That said... whistling and yelling out at a woman on the street.... ummmm.... that's always gonna be very hard to pull off as "harmless flirtation."
First, I totally get it that it's easy for men to see themselves in the guy's position. You see an amazing, fascinating looking woman on a scooter, you have a split second to act, and naturally you want to engage. And you want to assume that because you would be acting in a friendly way, this other guy might have been too... and you wish women would see your intent, not assume the worst. I'm sure every man has been rudely ignored or had his head unfairly bitten off -- just for trying to be nice to a lady. And I know I've bitten heads off that probably didn't deserve it. Usually right after being nice to multiple people who didn't deserve it that then became pushy/rude/dangerous... Especially in a quick moment or when you're already feeling vulnerable, it can be hard for women to discern the good guys from the bad. So, if you know your intent was good, try not to take it personally. Just maybe consider a different approach for next time.
Try to understand that from our perspective, for the vast majority of the men who catcall on the street, it's NOT about being nice or giving a compliment: it's about objectifying, demeaning, intimidating, or being intentionally disrespectful/rude for the sake of a laugh or a power trip. And that's bullying. It's not harmless. Occasionally it crosses the line into real violence. As such, most women have been conditioned to respond negatively to anyone yelling out at them on the street; it usually triggers a pretty instant feeling of vulnerability and a very real fight-or-flight response.
Bottom line: Even if he was "just flirting" or just complimenting her scooter, it can be very difficult for a woman to be sure of that, and a woman always has every right and reason to act in the interest of her safety, to ignore him, and then be glad/relieved when the confrontation ends safely and easily.
As such, my dear good guys and gentlemen, please understand that predators and offensive jerks have pretty much ruined this method of flirting for all of you: whistling and yelling out at a woman on the street is almost NEVER taken as a compliment -- almost never good idea if you're genuinely interested in her -- and almost never a good idea if your intent is anything but to harass and intimidate her. It's just rare that this will feel "harmless" to the lady involved.
