butt sweat (specifically) - let's talk about it

riancurtis · Post by **riancurtis** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:09 pm

how can i prevent this absolute monstrosity of an embarassment from ruining my life when i ride my scooter.
it has been 90+ here for 3 days straight and my shorts and pants have noticed.

COME ON PEOPLE!!!
how about some preventative methods.

jfrost2 · Post by **jfrost2** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:14 pm

Mesh pants.

pleasefeedthedog · Post by **pleasefeedthedog** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:23 pm

I would pray for a nice looking butt or work on making it better.

Thanks for the laugh.

Dog

Eazy · Post by **Eazy** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:24 pm

Boxer briefs.

Double them up.

Or get a shorter skirt.

jfrost2 · Post by **jfrost2** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:26 pm

Spray on deodorant down there, it's meant for your arms, but it stops you from sweating. Just another idea.

KRUSTYburger · Post by **KRUSTYburger** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:37 pm

jfrost2 wrote:Spray on deodorant down there, it's meant for your arms, but it stops you from sweating. Just another idea.

Um, I dunno, that might be bad...

Kevin K · Post by **Kevin K** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:41 pm

http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/ (Seriously. Good Stuff).

Plain talcum powder will work as well. I wouldn't advise using Gold Bond medicated powder.
-K

ryder1 · Post by **ryder1** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:42 pm

If Kevin advices, take his word for it that it will work. He is very knowledgable.

luckyleighton · Post by **luckyleighton** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 7:00 pm

How bought a big adult diaper, would that help?

schlagle · Post by **schlagle** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:35 pm

Wear a Kilt. Nothing beats Scottish air conditioning...

riancurtis · Post by **riancurtis** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:36 pm

ha i am not crapping in my pants.
is there any testimonials from MB peeps about anti monkey butt?
also a skirt would not work given my intense maleness

KRUSTYburger · Post by **KRUSTYburger** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:45 pm

Monkey butt?

Maybe it's a southern thing, but I've always heard it called "swamp @$$".

ay pablo · Post by **ay pablo** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:54 pm

This whole freakin' thread has me really crackin' up. You guys are too damn funny.

Eazy · Post by **Eazy** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:39 pm

riancurtis wrote:also a skirt would not work given my intense maleness

If you were so intensely masculine you would be ok with monkey butt.

Nothing says "I'm a man," like the smell of duck butter and swamp balls mixing together in your pants.

sotied · Post by **sotied** » Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:46 pm

I did this - http://www.bowlofcheese.tumblr.com - just means that you spend $8 on ice every time you go for a ride.

Other than that, I suggest those little silica packets that come with new electronics and say DO NOT EAT on them. Put about 14 in your underwear and ride in comfort.

scoots4me · Post by **scoots4me** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 12:23 am

Maybe you could change out your seat cover to more of a plush option for the summer? Would that allow for more "breathing" (let the jokes start on that word choice) than the leather/vinyl options do?

MaxPotter · Post by **MaxPotter** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 12:37 am

I can't believe I'm actually reading this topic...and laughing.

Mesh pants, lots of powder (not the medicated kind), and do NOT spray antiperspirant deodorant on your nether parts lest you want a ticket for speeding without even getting onto your scooter.

MaxP in Seattle where it's been overcast, drizzly, and I'm still wearing long underwear to keep from freezing on my a.m. commute.

Kevin K · Post by **Kevin K** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:06 am

ryder1 wrote:If Kevin advices, take his word for it that it will work. He is very knowledgable.

Experience helps. My losses are your gain.

Remember this post?

WARNING: this post details an ACTUAL experience that I, unfortunately, had in 2000. It also contains refferences to Long Distance motorcycle events, of which there are many, many stories of said events. If you're already yawning, ye best be moving along. If you enjoy laughing at someone else's expense, read on.

Rewind to July 4th weekend in the year 2000. The Minnesota 2000 challenge (2000 miles in 48 hours) had begun and I'm on the second day.
This is the part where I state that one of the tricks of the Long Distance Rider community is to use Gold Bond Medicated Powder (GBMP) on your bum (and, for that matter, your privates) to help ward off the nasty effects that are caused by a combination of heat and sitting in one position for a very, very long time. On males, this is not a pleasant situation.

Anyway, I'm on Day 2, I'm on the BMW and I'm picking up a bonus at a Mexican joint just outside of Chicago. It's been a really hot weekend, so when I stop at the bonus--and partake of their tasty chow--I decide that I am going to delve into my Magic Bag Of Tricks and slip into the restroom with a bottle of GBMP, which I apply liberally to my, err, private regions.
When I exit the restroom, my food's ready and I get my gold star for the Clean Plate Club. While this is happening, it starts to rain. Hard. I scramble for the (bike's) tankbag rain cover, as well as retrieving a few items that I know I'll need for the ride back to Minneapolis.

Fast-forward to me riding through one of the worst rains I've ever ridden through. My brand new (allegedly Waterproof gloves) were taking on water at a rate faster than the Titanic; post-iceberg strike. Anyway, visibility is crap, cars are huddling under any bridge they can take refuge under, but I'm on a mission and determined to get back to the Twin Cities.

At this point I should mention that some of my fellow riders on this event had weather radios that warned them of the totally f'ed up weather in the greater Chicago area and they decided that this would be a good time to grab a hotel room, take a much needed nap and ride the storm out.

Meanwhile, El Stupido presses on. I hadn't even made it past the city limits when the lower part of my two-piece Aerostich Roadcrafter finally gave up the ghost and started pumping water past the zippers at a rate that would satisfy the generators at the Hoover Dam. OK, I'm no stranger to having occasional leaks on the Roadcrafter. But remember--at the restaurant I had applied the GBMP quite liberally on my private area. And this is where things get interesting (and painful!) I'm no chemistry major, but the one thing that I can tell you is that if you get Gold Bond wet, it becomes the equivalent of Ben Gay or Icy Hot. Talk about great balls of fire!!!! I was standing on the pegs until about Rockford. At one point I had seriously considered opening the fly on my Roadcrafter and letting the rain wash away the offending substance.

No, I wasn't happy at the time. But it makes for a damn fine story 8 years later.

Moral of the story? Gold Bond--baaaad. Anti Monkey Butt--goooood.
Class dismissed.
-K

ZeroImpact · Post by **ZeroImpact** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:37 am

Stop it... I can't take anymore.

I'm laughing my Monkey Butt off.

After that story there is no way I'm taking the chance with Gold Bond. Thanks for the heads up.

ryder1 · Post by **ryder1** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:45 am

kevin, too funny!

But for ZeroI to post after with "heads up"...it gets even funnier!

Ronin · Post by **Ronin** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:45 am

I say just ride pantless and let the breeze take care of all the hard work of keeping ya cool!

(Disclaimer: The above mentioned idea does not take into account your safety, the stares/laughs you may get from other motorists, the "effects" of cold weather, staying out of jail, nor the loss of job or inability to enter almost every possible public place!)

~Safe (and cool) Riding!

nissanman · Post by **nissanman** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:12 am

In case some people don't know, anti monkey butt is an actual product. Not just a bunch of us being jack a**es about the topic.

twoscoots · Post by **twoscoots** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:15 am

We ladies just get "butt glow," so we won't be any help...

BoneGirl · Post by **BoneGirl** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 4:47 am

Kevin K wrote:Plain talcum powder will work as well.

Baby powder that has corn starch in it. It works on all my sweaty places. If it works great for a baby's butt, it should work even better on us big kids!

ScootLemont · Post by **ScootLemont** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 5:13 am

luckyleighton wrote:How bought a big adult diaper, would that help?

Depends....
(get it?)

kilted texan · Post by **kilted texan** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:40 pm

riancurtis wrote:also a skirt would not work given my intense maleness

I would disagree. Also, I kilt the the last person that called it a skirt.

Very manly

Great Mockumercials

The 2nd round 2nd place is the one I like best, "Call Me".

riancurtis · Post by **riancurtis** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:05 pm

yeah man but UTILITKILTS are about 8,000,000 dollars

dru_ · Post by **dru_** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:26 pm

Another thing is to recall that hair, while acting as a natural lubricant, also retains moisture and when combined with heat and dark other less desirable things. While shaving may not be the best idea, a trim might be

. I suppose you *could* find a place that would give yo a male brazilian wax job, but I'd be sure to check for hidden video cameras, that'd be funny enough to post to youtube! (Did you know that shaving was started by the Egyptians in the days of the Pharoahs to control odor? both men and women did it.)

Seriously though, I ride/rode/raced bicycles and triathalons (not anymore, kids, marriage, desk jobs have all conspired against me there) and there is alot of merit to proper breathable gear. Padded lycra bike shorts under a pair of draggin jeans or mesh pants is good mix of protection both inside and out.

Anti-Monkey Butt of talcum powder added to the mix is also a good thing. Cotton, not so much. But there are some other things you can do. I know many distance riders that swear by the seat beads, not so much for the beads but for the airflow between butt and seat, and if you look around, among many riders, you'll find a common thread. Plan your gear for the weather, and look at the athletic world for inspiration. Undergear makes products specifically to wick away moisture.

All of that said, bear in mind the faster the moisture goes away, the faster you dehydrate, so in this kind of heat, water is still your best friend. Drink it.

madtolive · Post by **madtolive** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:40 pm

Another thing is to recall that hair, while acting as a natural lubricant, also retains moisture and when combined with heat and dark other less desirable things. While shaving may not be the best idea, a trim might be.

it's time for some MANSCAPING! yesss!

bicyclerider · Post by **bicyclerider** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:47 pm

Alright, from a guy that wears lycra 6 days a week on bicycle rides/races/mountain biking I'll share in my "tween relief" products.

this works - I pretty much use it everytime I ride.
http://www.pacelineproducts.com/products/chamois.html

this stuff is a nicer product but is in smaller bottle. It has more parabin/Wax which puts a layer of protection between you and any seat/saddle/scooter.
http://www.bravesoldier.com/friction-zone.php

the bike shorts are a great idea under shorts, they will help. You can get them without the pad as well.
Shaving, well, that's a whole other story - but does help reduce problems.
ok, I have shared too much - did I say this with my outloud voice?

Penguinboy · Post by **Penguinboy** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 2:53 pm

Under Armour Boxer Briefs..... Can't believe I paid $18 for a pair of underwear, but they wick and keep everything dry so darn well, that I went out and bought 2 more pairs!! Always wear them while riding, and even in 90s plus all this weekend in Boston, that part of me was pretty dry!

nuttmeg75 · Post by **nuttmeg75** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:01 pm

riancurtis wrote: a skirt would not work given my intense maleness

If you went commando underneath the kilt, you could actually show off your "intense maleness."

UXO · Post by **UXO** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:35 pm

This is some bunch. I gotta tell you I've got quite a kick out of reading some of these.

When is the next Modern Buddy Meet-up? Only thing I'm afraid of is with all this internet interfacing I might have forgotten how to talk LOL, IMHO, LMAO

BeachBuzz · Post by **BeachBuzz** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 5:26 pm

I use an Alaska Leathers Sheepskin Buttpad on my Burgman
(http://www.alaskaleather.com/buttpads.html) - it makes the seat noticably more comfy - especially on longer rides. It also keeps you cooler in the heat and warmer in the cold. I let the wife use it for the second half of our ride home from the beach yesterday (2.5 hours @ 95*) and today I'm buying one for her. I know a few guys who swear by their Bead Seats both for the comfort as well as the increased air flow.

I suppose the sheepskin would enhance the ride with a kilt also

Christy · Post by **Christy** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:01 pm

Kevin K wrote:http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/ (Seriously. Good Stuff).

Plain talcum powder will work as well. I wouldn't advise using Gold Bond medicated powder.
-K

you ever see the one episode of friends? the one where Ross gets the leather pants?

Just don't mix powder, lotion/sweat with leather pants. LOL

Kevin K · Post by **Kevin K** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:03 pm

RoadKilt!

http://www.motorbyte.com/mmm/pages/2008 ... r101_2.htm
-K

toddrw2251 · Post by **toddrw2251** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 6:45 pm

I think there has been some Gold Bond hating here. It’s like wearing a pair of frozen boxers… quite chilling.

MikieTaps · Post by **MikieTaps** » Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:39 pm

madtolive wrote:
Another thing is to recall that hair, while acting as a natural lubricant, also retains moisture and when combined with heat and dark other less desirable things. While shaving may not be the best idea, a trim might be.
it's time for some MANSCAPING! yesss!

madtolive

Good Work!!!

xtetra · Post by **xtetra** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:26 am

Suffering the same thing here...it was 105 when I came home through town. I just try and wear a shirt long enough to hang over my jeans.

For long trips I use just plain corn starch. Silk boxers help too, less chaffing but probably not as efficient as athletic stuff.

If all else fails just have come-back...ie I may sweat when I scoot but at least I don't sweat it when I top of the gas tank.

kilted texan · Post by **kilted texan** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:40 pm

If you are worried about chaffing you can get Body Glide Skin Protectant.

Ad Line:
It helps prevent blisters, chafing, dry skin, saddles sores, cracked skin and rash. # Water, sweat and rub resistant. Protects all day. Endorsed and used by USA Triathlon. Petroleum free so it won't clog pores, perspiration escapes and your skin breathes. Helps skin retain moisture and offers protection in hot or cold weather. The all natural ingredients wash off with soap. Hypoallergenic. No animal testing.

I use it for my thighs when wearing my kilts & its 90+ degrees. Get it at a sporting goods store. It will be a little cheaper then say on Amazon.

Post by **polianarchy** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 3:56 pm

Aha, this is what us fatties call chub-rub! For a cheaper than Body Glide option, try a no-brand antiperspirant/deodorant stick. No, not the spray or the gel -- stay old-school and use the solid stick. This works on any kind of sweating & chafing problem.

brape · Post by **brape** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 4:39 pm

bicyclerider wrote: this works - I pretty much use it everytime I ride.
http://www.pacelineproducts.com/products/chamois.html

I used to ride a lot too and love chamios buttr. I just fished it out of my unpacked boxes last night.

alienmeatsack · Post by **alienmeatsack** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 3:47 am

I witnessed a conversation between two ladies at the rally here in Tulsa on Sunday about this very subject.

It amused me, but then I found this thread and the images of them comparing buttsweat impressions on the seats just sealed the deal for me.

And oddly, I saw that monkey butt powder at the hardware store recently and wondered why in the heck anyone would want it. Yet, now I get it.

I am going to replace my seat with a cooler and just sit on ice to keep the problem at bay.

PammySue · Post by **PammySue** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:04 am

Honestly, the main reason I wanted a seat cover was the 'sweat factor.' Vinyl just doesn't make for a comfortable warm weather ride.

I just got my seat cover (thanks Crystal!) and LOVE the way it feels and it looks so stylish on Pepe le Scoot! No more sweaty cheeks for us!

n00b4life · Post by **n00b4life** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 7:53 pm

I'll add a vote for the beaded seat cover.

I checked around online and they are about $35, plus shipping. That's not bad, but I didn't want to spend the money without some firsthand experience and I did not want to wait around.

So, I went to Wal-Mart and bought the beaded seat cover (for a car) for $9. By turning it sideways and cutting it so that the width of the car seat cover becomes the length of the scooter seat cover, I was able to get two out of it, so $5 each.

The trick is to just cut one section of the nylon line that holds it together and then pull it apart. Notice how it all goes together. It looks complicated at first, but it is very simple.

Once you figure all that out, cut it in half, so that you have two over-sized sections and then keep pulling beads off each until they are the right width.

Now use the extra line to reinforce the outside edges. When you go to tie the line off, use a blood knot.

http://www.takemefishing.org/assets/dow ... _knots.pdf

It took me about an hour for each one and they work great. You can really feel the air circulating under you and your butt stays dry.

Sorry if the instructions are kind of unclear. Basically, just go slow when you take the thing apart.

sotied · Post by **sotied** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 8:27 pm

*bumped*

Mostly because it's about a billion degrees here today and the monkey butt sweat topic never is not funny.

bunny · Post by **bunny** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 8:40 pm

ChubRub...talcum powder or talcum spray. Gets the job done.

Cheshire · Post by **Cheshire** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 8:59 pm

All this product hype...my my my.

While you're waiting for stuff to come in the mail or from wherever, take a minute to think about how long you're leaving your butt planted on the seat. Do you ever stand out of the seat at stoplights? A little airflow does wonders. (in addition to the other stuff.)

The longer you're seated, the stuffier it gets.

n00b4life · Post by **n00b4life** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 9:26 pm

Sadly, I ride a lot of back roads, so on a 30 minute trip around town, I might spend 1-2 minutes stopped at red lights. So, I don't get a lot of time to stand up, unless I do it while I'm driving, which I'd rather not do.

Sucks to be me, I guess.

Cheshire · Post by **Cheshire** » Tue Jul 08, 2008 9:33 pm

n00b4life wrote:Sadly, I ride a lot of back roads, so on a 30 minute trip around town, I might spend 1-2 minutes stopped at red lights. So, I don't get a lot of time to stand up, unless I do it while I'm driving, which I'd rather not do.

Sucks to be me, I guess.

Doesn't have to be full upright, just enough to get some air between you and the seat for a few seconds. Don't do what doesn't make you comfortable, though.

(as far as keeping control of your scoot, that is.)

butt sweat (specifically) - let's talk about it

butt sweat (specifically) - let's talk about it

Seat cover