Forums
 FAQHelp  LinksLinks    SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

So My girlfiriend wants nothing to do with me. [Necropost]
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Forums » General Discussion Previous topic :: Next topic  
Author Message
axiom007
Member


Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 59
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Buddy 125V2.0, Orange(Fastest)

PostPosted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 11:47 pm    Post subject: So My girlfiriend wants nothing to do with me. [Necropost] Reply with quote

Ok, so she crashed it, made me a little upset. Learned today that it is going to cost 1578 to fix it. I am a little upset about it. but now, she would rather tell mehow it was an accident... which I agree with... but she is thinking that I am incensitive because it upsets me so. any insight would be appreciated. Thanks
p.s. she wrecked on the 4th day thst I owened it

_________________
If you are gonna do it, make darn sure the juice is worth the squeeze.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Yahoo Messenger
Elm Creek Smith
Member


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 655
Location: Owasso, Cherokee Nation, I.T.
Classic Black Budd 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 12:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

She needs to acknowledge that the accident wouldn't have happened if she hadn't insisted that she take the scooter which subsequent events proved that she was woefully lacking in the skills necessary to properly and safely operate.

Just my two cents.

BTW, I have been married 32 years to the same woman. Remarkable, isn't it?

ECS
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website
ericalm
Site Admin


Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Posts: 17637
Location: Los Angeles, CA
STELLA FOUR STROKE FURY! + Vespa LX 150/190 + '87 Honda Helix CN250

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 1:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My 2¢: Tell her you're not upset with HER, just with having to pay out that much to fix a new scoot. Then, to really smooth things over, accept some responsibility by saying that you probably shouldn't have let her ride with so litltle experience and that, really, you're just glad she wasn't hurt. Let her know that while the cost does sting, your anger isn't directed specifically at her and that other things are more important.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message [ Hidden ] Visit poster's website
Elm Creek Smith
Member


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 655
Location: Owasso, Cherokee Nation, I.T.
Classic Black Budd 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 2:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shoot, Eric! Very Happy You're planning to stay married longer than I am, aren't you? Laughing

ECS
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website
dahuffy
Member


Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 294
Location: Spencer, OK
QLink Legacy

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ericalm wrote:
My 2¢: Tell her you're not upset with HER, just with having to pay out that much to fix a new scoot. Then, to really smooth things over, accept some responsibility by saying that you probably shouldn't have let her ride with so litltle experience and that, really, you're just glad she wasn't hurt. Let her know that while the cost does sting, your anger isn't directed specifically at her and that other things are more important.


Ditto!! I've been with my DH for 27 years now and I would definately handle things a lot better if put this way.

_________________
"Cinderella is proof that a pair of shoes can change your life"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message [ Hidden ]
hermitgirl
Member


Joined: 13 Sep 2006
Posts: 85
Location: Bay Area, CA
Buddy 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Shoot, Eric! Very Happy You're planning to stay married longer than I am, aren't you? Laughing

ECS



That and his girl reads these forums. Wink


Seriously though, good advice, Eric.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
Dave
Member


Joined: 13 Oct 2006
Posts: 91
Location: Phoenix
Honda Elite 250, 150, 125, & 50. PGO T-REX, Indian VBB copy, TRX400EX, CR80RB, 2 Z50s

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"My 2¢: Tell her you're not upset with HER, just with having to pay out that much to fix a new scoot. Then, to really smooth things over, accept some responsibility by saying that you probably shouldn't have let her ride with so litltle experience and that, really, you're just glad she wasn't hurt. Let her know that while the cost does sting, your anger isn't directed specifically at her and that other things are more important. "

WTF! Accept responsibility??? You told her not ride the scooter because she is inexperienced. She rode it anyways, crashed it, and did not offer to pay for repairs. Be a man! Dont kiss her ass now, she'll walk all over you in the future.
She didn't listen to your advice because she doesn't respect you. I say kick her to the curb.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
ericalm
Site Admin


Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Posts: 17637
Location: Los Angeles, CA
STELLA FOUR STROKE FURY! + Vespa LX 150/190 + '87 Honda Helix CN250

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 4:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

hermitgirl wrote:
Quote:
Shoot, Eric! Very Happy You're planning to stay married longer than I am, aren't you? Laughing

ECS



That and his girl reads these forums. Wink


Well, yeah, there is that! Very Happy
And that I'd want to have all of MY scooting sins forgiven in advance.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message [ Hidden ] Visit poster's website
Elm Creek Smith
Member


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 655
Location: Owasso, Cherokee Nation, I.T.
Classic Black Budd 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 4:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ericalm wrote:
And that I'd want to have all of MY scooting sins forgiven in advance.


That's right! Laughing YOU wrecked your girl's scooter, didn't you? Razz

ECS
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website
ericalm
Site Admin


Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Posts: 17637
Location: Los Angeles, CA
STELLA FOUR STROKE FURY! + Vespa LX 150/190 + '87 Honda Helix CN250

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 4:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Elm Creek Smith wrote:
ericalm wrote:
And that I'd want to have all of MY scooting sins forgiven in advance.


That's right! Laughing YOU wrecked your girl's scooter, didn't you? Razz

Uhhh... Embarassed
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message [ Hidden ] Visit poster's website
sunshinen
Member


Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 803
Location: Morrison, CO
06 Buddy 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 6:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dave wrote:
WTF! Accept responsibility??? You told her not ride the scooter because she is inexperienced. She rode it anyways, crashed it, and did not offer to pay for repairs. Be a man! Dont kiss her ass now, she'll walk all over you in the future.
She didn't listen to your advice because she doesn't respect you. I say kick her to the curb.


Where is this scenario??? I'm not seeing it in anything axiom007 wrote, unless it has been edited out or something. From what I see, all we know is that she crashed it. Accidents happen. C'est la vie.

Eric's definitely got the more mature approach. It takes a much stronger "man" to let something like that go than to be a jerk about. It's easy to be a jerk when you're upset, much harder to realize what's most important. My principle: If I can't handle something being broken, then I don't lend it out. And if I can't handle losing a material object, even one as precious as my scooter, then it's time to rethink my priorities. Very Happy Another good rule of thumb is to always take the blame for your mistakes and always remove blame for the mistakes of others. Makes the world a nicer place when you stop the blame game in its tracks.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
ericalm
Site Admin


Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Posts: 17637
Location: Los Angeles, CA
STELLA FOUR STROKE FURY! + Vespa LX 150/190 + '87 Honda Helix CN250

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 6:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://www.modernbuddy.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=6525

Rereading the original post, yeah, you gave her plenty of warning and asked that she not take it. Sure, she should probably step up and offer to cover at least part of the repairs. So my advice is just that, based on the assumption that all you want to do is make good with the GF. That may not be what's FAIR or even in your ultimate best interest. That's up to you to decide. Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message [ Hidden ] Visit poster's website
whattheheck
Member


Joined: 23 Aug 2006
Posts: 30


PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It really does not matter what you do, you cannot win. You realize this don't you?

You argue, you lose.
You sympathize, you lose.
You blow it off, you lose.

She is upset that it happened and at that point, instict will be to counter whatever approach you take - simply out of frustration. It's not you, it's just the process people go through. Time is your only friend here. Good luck.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
peabody99
Member


Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 1787
Location: San Diego
2015 BMW F700GS, 2018 BMW310r, 2016 Yamaha TW200, 1996 Honda Helix(sold), 2007 Buddy 125 (sold 2017)

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 2:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah I would not get too bent out of shape over a material object, and luckily she is OK. that said she should pay for ALL the damage (why part?) . You should not have to to ask her to this. If she has not even offered (w/o bitterness or insincerety) ...I would pack up your dented scoot and move on.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
AxeYrCat
Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 643
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Formerly: '07 Triumph Thruxton 900. '03 Genuine Stella 150.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Umm... It's pretty unrealistic of her to think that you should just shrug it off.

Yes, it's a material thing, and no, it's not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But you should be able to say 'Damn! This repair bill effing sucks!' without her thinking that you're blaming her or being insensitive...


All you can do is tell her that you understand that it was an accident, and that you're happy she wasn't hurt. At great risk of sounding misogynistic -- and you'll REALLY be walking a tight-rope to get this out there -- you can lament that you were irresponsible to let her put herself in danger by taking your scooter; that way, you're sharing the blame with her.

But the fact of the matter is that you should be able to be upset without hurting her feelings -- provided you're not actually taking it out on her. Wink

_________________
Huh? What just happened?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
NarMeowZippy
Member


Joined: 18 Aug 2006
Posts: 66
Location: Seattle, WA
Orange Buddy 50cc - aka "Screwdriver"

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 2:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Take it from a woman... don't blame her or you'll never hear the end of it.
_________________
It's Scooter-rific!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
brat
Member


Joined: 20 Sep 2006
Posts: 146
Location: San Francisco, CA
'77 Vespa rally 200 '06 Buddy 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I kind of feel like you are in a no win situtation. She wants you to feel bad for what she has done wrong and she does not want to step up to the fact she messed up.
If it was me, I would have been mad at myself and embrassed. And I would have offered to either find a way to pay for the all or at least some of repairs.
I think it is sad she is acting like this. Ask her how she would have felt if you almost totaled her car on the 4th day she owned it. Becuase I am pretty sure that is the way you are feeling. I think you are being reasonable and she needs to grow up!

Susan
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
GalacticFattPatt
Member


Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Posts: 74
Location: Largo, FL
Buddy 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You got it all wrong!
This is your chance to really get her wrapped around your finger. Lay into her and let her know that she needs to listen to you when you tell her something. Don't make her cry, but she needs to learn to submit to your will. If you need any tips watch the Dog Whisperer, he has a lot of good tips in dominating and not reasoning.

Hehehe, okay, now you have to know I am just playing, I am not like this, really!
Seriously, nothing can be done. She should not have taken it, and you should not have let her take it. But there is nothing you can do now, so suck it up and learn from mistakes. When I brought mine home, all my friends wanted to take it for a ride, and I asked them if they had 3k in the bank? Cause that is what they would have to pay me if they crashed it. That and none of them have their Motorcycle license.
Also, I like to say, if I mess it up, I have to be mad at me, but if you mess it up, I have to be mad at you. That way they know what is coming and there are no surprises.
Sorry it can't be easier and I hope you get your ride back on the rode soon.
GFP out

_________________
Evil will always prevail, cause Good is just dumb!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
GatsbyGirl
Member


Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 140
Location: Los Angeles
Pink Buddy 125 (the 2nd)

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 4:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ericalm's scooter sin was a bit different since the accident wasn't his fault. Since his was in the shop, that morning I said, "You can take my scooter or my car. Your choice." Neither was a good thing to crash, but that's life.

That said, after 8 years together there has been many a time that things have been his fault. He has an uncanny ability for breaking my things. And, really, you NEVER let them go. At the strangest times it will pop out of your mouth, "Oh yeah, what about that time you broke my vintage polka dot bowl?"

So, on one hand, you've got this to hold over her head for the rest of time. On the other, she really should pick up the bill for all the damages. Although, depending on your situation, if your finances are co-mingled that's more of a gesture than anything else.

Going "I knew this was going to happen" doesn't really help anything -- trust me, nobody ever appreciates our precognitive abilities. It did happen and ultimately the damage is her fault. I'm sure it would be much easier for you to move on from it if she accepted responsibility and said, "You were right; I wasn't ready. Let me get my checkbook."

Since this doesn't appear to be the case, you need to figure out if you can be the bigger man or if this is indicative of something larger. Not that strangers on a forum are really in a position to give relationship advice. Just my two cents based on what you've given us to go on. Good luck.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
Scootin_in_MS
Member


Joined: 20 Jun 2006
Posts: 125
Location: New Orleans
Cream Buddy 125 (Minnie Pearl) 2006 Yamaha VStar 650 (Bruiser the Cruiser)

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 4:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It sounds like she is feeling guilty and embarrassed, and is subconsciously trying to deflect blame from her to you, by making you feel guilty. There's really nothing you can do to stop this process. She will have to come to terms with it in her own time, hopefully before her anger drives you away. All you can really do is wait it out. You have every right to your feelings, and she needs to learn to respect that and accept it. Relationship 101 - respect each other's thoughts and feelings even if you don't agree with them.

On the other hand, you aren't passive-aggressively punishing her are you? Cause if you are running some sort of guilt trip on her, then it's no wonder she's pissed. If you aren't punishing her, refer to the above paragraph.

Jody
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
lobsterman
Member


Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1032
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Orange & Green 06 Buddy 125, Stebelated

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, I have only been married for 21 years so I am nowhere near having this thing figured out with those aliens, but here's my take.

A lot of this is dependent on the current status of your relationship and where you want to see it go.

If she were your wife of 20 years, the answer is simple. Everything at that point becomes a "we" thing. She should say she's sorry, you should forgive her, that would be the end of it.

If you are early in the relationship, and she is treating your (important) stuff without regard and treating you the same way, then it is time to end the relationship. Yes people are more important than stuff, but her attitude towards your stuff says something about her attitude towards you.

Sounds to me like you are somewhere in the middle and so it gets more complicated. As an adult, she should accept responsibility for what she did. You should be gracious about it and share some of the blame, since without you it never would have happened in the first place.

What you do not want to do is enable wrong or harmful bahavior in her. If this is the kind of thing you think you can expect regularly from her, you will do no favors to anyone by bailing her out of her responsibility for her own actions.

If she has otherwise been very responsible and treated you with respect and you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, cut her some slack. Say you're sorry the whole thing happened and let it go. Take the high ground and don't ever use it against her.

_________________
Kevin
AYPWIP?


Last edited by lobsterman on Thu Nov 02, 2006 7:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   MSN Messenger
sunshinen
Member


Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 803
Location: Morrison, CO
06 Buddy 125

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for posting the link to the other thread ericalm; these multi-thread narratives are too much for my overloaded brain to keep track of!

So from the other thread:
Quote:
Full coverage, low deductable. I am letting her do the footwark. Wink


Sounds like the money is taken care of, she's doing the work to get the hassle taken care of, but there's still some tension. What happened in between the quote above and this thread? (rhetorical)

I don't think you lose either way. Yes, you've lost the scooter for now, but in terms of the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn about each other, and this will either make the relationship stronger or ... not. It's hard for any of us to give perfect advice because we don't know the two of you and what's at the heart of the tension: is it lack of respect (in either or both directions)? is it just the frustration of the temporary loss of the scooter? is it something deeper between the two of you? All in all, there's a lot of good advice here, but you're the only one with the power to see the right path for you.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
RunRun
Member


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 76
Location: Pleasanton
Genuine Blur 150

PostPosted: Thu Nov 02, 2006 9:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tell her you love her and you really glad she didn’t get hurt. The scooter is replaceable but she’s not. Life is much more important then a scooter and we’ll find away to have it fixed.

Life have it's ups and downs.

Don

_________________
Don Cobb
Genuine Blur 150
Run 2006 Model
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
tinalee123
Member


Joined: 15 Sep 2006
Posts: 31
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Pink Buddy 125

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

axiom007...as you can see, there are many wise and thought provoking comments...I agree with many of them, specifically that her actions (or lack thereof) speak volumes about her feelings toward you and her integrity. This could be considered a serious 'ah ha' moment. A self-respecting and considerate woman would've done the right thing by finding a workable solution.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   AIM Address
AxeYrCat
Member


Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 643
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Formerly: '07 Triumph Thruxton 900. '03 Genuine Stella 150.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just to stir the pot:

It's entirely possible that she's really embarassed about it, and she just wants to put it behind her -- I know that's what I'd want to do in such a situation. Laughing

That may well be why she doesn't want to hear anything more about it.



No, it's not the most mature thing in the world. But, hey, we've all got our issues... Wink

_________________
Huh? What just happened?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Bryce-O-Rama
Member


Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Posts: 251


PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 4:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lobsterman wrote:
If she were your wife of 20 years, the answer is simple. Everything at that point becomes a "we" thing. She should say she's sorry, you should forgive her, that would be the end of it.

If you are early in the relationship, and she is treating your (important) stuff without regard and treating you the same way, then it is time to end the relationship. Yes people are more important than stuff, but her attitude towards your stuff says something about her attitude towards you.

Sounds to me like you are somewhere in the middle and so it gets more complicated. As an adult, she should accept responsibility for what she did. You should be gracious about it and share some of the blame, since without you it never would have happened in the first place.


You're a smart guy, Lobsterman. My ex-wife and I were engaged when I got my scoot. She crashed it shortly thereafter on some black ice, while I was coincidentally at the same roundabout. I stopped the car, picked her up, picked the scoot up, and got everything sorted.

I considered it a we thing at that point. She apologized, I was sad that my scooter had scratched and cracked bodywork, but I got over it and moved on. Later on I looked into getting new plastic, it wasn't cheap, and she balked at getting it fixed. That made me upset, and I should have taken it as a warning as to her attitude toward me and things important to me. I know that if I broke something that was important to my significant other, it would be a huge priority of mine to find a way to repair or replace it. It would take a lot of convincing me that I didn't have to do that. And even then, I'd still apologize and try to do something really nice to try to smooth things over a bit.

I can understand her being upset and embarrassed about it, but the responsible and mature thing to do in this situation is to apologize, and offer to find a solution to putting it back the way it was.

_________________
- Bryce
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
dru_
Member


Joined: 15 Aug 2006
Posts: 179
Location: In a chair

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 3:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bryce-O-Rama wrote:
I can understand her being upset and embarrassed about it, but the responsible and mature thing to do in this situation is to apologize, and offer to find a solution to putting it back the way it was.


I'm going to say something that may get me lynched by some of the female readers, but unfortunately, I still think it's true.

Bryce, what you say is true, from a Male view, but from a female point of view, there are a number of factors that have to be added to the context. Bear in mind that the male/female line isn't absolute, but it seems to be remarkably accurate in a general sense.

To the female in this situation, the upset was done once she was ok. The embarassed part was done when she realized that no one of social significance (read no other female peer, or women higher in the social food-chain) witnessed the incident. The responsible thing to do is to let you fix it, it is *your* scooter. Mature? Mature is a description applied to matronly women, not women of youth and a winsome smile, or lithe body, using that description to a women is like being asked to guess the age, and guessing high.

Yes, I'm exaggerating things, but my point is that men and women look at culpability and responsibility differently, and that if you want to be successful in your relationships, you really need to take a moment, and reevaluate your thinking to the other side.

No matter what else happens, remember that unless you have found an exceptionally reasonable woman to share your life with, this incident will eventually work it's way around to being your fault in any future arguments that it comes up in.

Now that I've offended every woman on the boards, I apologize. I understand that I'm using stereotypes to make a point, but I've met very few straight men in my life that truly understand how differently men and women see things in the world, and sometimes those stereotypes help remind us men that sometimes we are being idiots by failing to remember that detail.


Last edited by dru_ on Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website AIM Address
Bryce-O-Rama
Member


Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Posts: 251


PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 4:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dru, I don't know many women who would abdicate all responsibility if they borrowed my car and crashed it, even if said borrower were minorly injured. A scooter shouldn't be any different.
_________________
- Bryce
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
dru_
Member


Joined: 15 Aug 2006
Posts: 179
Location: In a chair

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 6:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do Sad

I had a gf once that totalled my Porsche 914, which she took without telling me she was taking it. She somehow managed to kill the engine at 80+ mph on a wet two lane road. When I started disassembling the engine to rebuild the car, I discovered a couple of interesting details. First, the Transmission was in Reverse, and the clutch plate had exploded inside it's housing with the transmission itself pretty much shredded.

Apparently, she put the car into Reverse at 80 mph and dumped the clutch.

She did, at the time, acknowledge that she 'might' have mis-shifted. She did tell me however, that it was insured, so I could just pay the deductable and get a new car, she did not feel that it was in any way her responsibilty to pay the deductible as it wasn't her car.

6 months later, we got in a fight as the 'relationship' was headed for can anyways, she firmly declared that the whole incident was my fault, because I had never taught her that the shift pattern in the car was upside down.

I've had or witnessed similar incidents in nearly every relationship I've ever watched, both my own, and those around me. I'm not saying the all women will do this, but I will posit that the likelyhood of this behaviour is directly proportional the 'hotness' factor of said woman. The hotter she is, the more likely to exhibit such abhorrent behaviour.

Yes, I know this is coming across badly. I'm sorry about that, but I've seen too much of this kinda of crap out of too many young women in the past couple of years.

On the upside, I'm married to a woman who doesn't generally pull this shit, and I count myself incredibly lucky that she's willing to have & keep me (it'll be 13 years in August), but I've watched this kinda of behaviour destroy a good friend of mine, I'm watching it destroy a marriage of a couple that I'm close to. And similar behaviour has created so much friction in one of my brother's life that he's had to resort to some pretty hard core medication just to cope with it.

A couple of examples:

Woman gets in car and backs out of garage (garage door is closed). Leaves large dent in door, small dent in car. Does she:
A) get out and review the damage & call someone to get it fixed
B) get out and review the damage & call the man to fess up and ask for help getting it fixed
C) pull forward, keep pressing the button until the garage door goes up, tearing the frame facia and paint off the house, back out, repeat until closed and go about her day
D) do nothing and wait until the man returns to find his garage door inoperable, house damaged, second car dented, and wife inside with a fresh manicure watching Oprah to tell him what happened only after being asked.

If you answered think C & D are jokes, C & D are exactly what my sister inlaw did to her husband of 8 years. She followed it with a suggestion that he go hammer it back into place because she had a hair appointment early in the morning.

If this was an isolated incident, that would be one thing, but it isn't.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website AIM Address
ericalm
Site Admin


Joined: 10 Jun 2006
Posts: 17637
Location: Los Angeles, CA
STELLA FOUR STROKE FURY! + Vespa LX 150/190 + '87 Honda Helix CN250

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Anyone else notice that axiom007 seems to have either tuned this all out, disappeared or is so deep in the dog house he can't come near the forum? Wink

I'm loving the range of advice here, simply because it reflects all our own experiences and biases while none of us really have any insight into the situation or the nature of their relationship. But we're all pretty quick to recommend compromise, capitulation, breakup, etc. I'm starting to think this thread is a project for axiom's psychology class... but I cannot look away...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message [ Hidden ] Visit poster's website
dru_
Member


Joined: 15 Aug 2006
Posts: 179
Location: In a chair

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 7:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ericalm wrote:
Anyone else notice that axiom007 seems to have either tuned this all out, disappeared or is so deep in the dog house he can't come near the forum? Wink

I'm loving the range of advice here, simply because it reflects all our own experiences and biases while none of us really have any insight into the situation or the nature of their relationship. But we're all pretty quick to recommend compromise, capitulation, breakup, etc. I'm starting to think this thread is a project for axiom's psychology class... but I cannot look away...


LOL.

I have to admit, that I've refrained from saying 'what' to do, because I don't think I know enough about the relationship to provide advice on what to do much beyond look at from her point of view, specifically, how can she make this his fault in her mind. I think that a percentage (probably fairly low, but still significant enough to be aware of ) of people, with a higher percentage of them being women, actually begin mentally shifting the blame to another person pretty much immediately.

This is one of the reasons that I think women make better managers & government officials than men, with the exception of those men that are predisposed to catty political behaviour. I think that the social behaviour of women is such that they develop better political skills young and never really stop honing them.

I'm generalizing now, but it's the difference between how we are are reared and raised. When a little boy makes a boneheaded mistake in a social situation, he's taught to shrug it off, take his lumps and go on (sports). Little girls however, don't get the same lessons in many cases. In a man's world, in a group of guys, when you make a boneheaded mistake, you call it as 'on you', make reparations, and you are all friends again. In a woman's world, if a girl makes a boneheaded mistake in a social environment, things may be 'fine' right then, but in 2 hours, when the mistake maker has gone. What behaviour is going on behind the scenes? Grudges are held, and that boneheaded mistake becomes something that can be used against them. Deflecting that blame becomes second nature at a young age.

Anyways, I'm ranting.

What Axiom describes is the kind of behaviour that just irritates me, because I only see it getting worse with so very many parents today. We seem to be teaching our children to never take the blame, which is just wrong. In school, if a child falls down because he/she is running on the playground, it's just children playing. But we teach our kids that it's not their fault by suing the school for allowing them to run around, so we ban games like Tag on school playgrounds. If we are out driving and we hit a pothole that totals the car while talking on our cell phones, do we admit to being an idiot and get things fixed? no, we sue the city for allowing the pothole to exist, the car manufacturer for a suspension failure that allowed the vehicle to bottom out, and the cell phone company for not providing a warning label, the talking on the phone while driving might make you stupid.

It's a culture thing. Culpability and responsibility are no longer things that we are teaching, it's all about whom can we blame, and yes, it bugs me (if you haven't guessed).

We as scooter riders deal with it every day. People doing dumb things around us, while we are being responsible with our safety gear, our low gas consumption, and low emissions. People putting *us* at risk because they cannot be held culpable for their own stupidity (passing a scooter on a double yellow just because it's not doing the 15mph over the speed limit you want to do). Unfortunately, in this thread, I've singled out a group of people that seem to be more prone to this behaviour.

I'll shut up now that I think I've offended everyone male and female Smile. Please take this with a grain of salt, I'm not really as gender biased as this probably sounds, men have some serious issues too, just as destructive as those mentioned here.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website AIM Address
lobsterman
Member


Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1032
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Orange & Green 06 Buddy 125, Stebelated

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 7:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
ericalm wrote:
Anyone else notice that axiom007 seems to have either tuned this all out, disappeared or is so deep in the dog house he can't come near the forum?


I did notice that. Makes for some interesting reading about human nature though.

Quote:
dru_ wrote:
I'll shut up now that I think I've offended everyone male and female


You'll have to work harder than that to offend me. Smile

_________________
Kevin
AYPWIP?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   MSN Messenger
sunshinen
Member


Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 803
Location: Morrison, CO
06 Buddy 125

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I definitely think it's an interesting look at everyone's experiences and viewpoints.

And I also agree that it's a cultural thing. Although, I would take the emphasis off the man/woman thing, and make it an experience and expectation thing. Surely, we've seen the same behavior from spoiled young men who have never had to handle anything on their own. There are both daddy's girls and spoiled rich kids who may never have had to take care of anything. In their world things just magically get done; therefore, some simply don't know that they should take care of something, much less have the skills to figure out how to take care of it. While it's easy to blame them for their behavior, there is also some blame on partners and society for not just enabling such behavior, but causing and encouraging it. And I don't just mean in terms of our lawsuit happy culture, but in terms of roles and expectations.

For example, the "hotness" factor. Most men want a "hot" girl, but being "hot" can be a full-time job. Seriously, how much time and effort do most girls spend on learning and practicing techniques to make themselves look better? So if they are spending that much time on looking good, what are they sacrificing? If you have X amount of time to read a magazine, do you spend it learning how to make your hair shiny or learning about, say, scooters? (I suspect most of us on this forum have, to at least some degree, chosen scooters. Wink) In a culture where fashion faux pas can be considered "criminal" or even career suicide, and looking good can make you more money than most talents... who can blame them for taking hotness on as their role and responsibility in life? (Okay, so I can blame them, because I'm a very low-maintenance girl, and it is still a choice, but I try not to be too judgemental in that I think it is often a subconscious choice based on their experience. Often the remedy is simply exposure to a different way of living.)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
MrNatural
Member


Joined: 31 Jul 2006
Posts: 165
Location: Minneapolis
Buddy 125

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

dru_ wrote:


.....I will posit that the likelyhood of this behaviour is directly proportional the 'hotness' factor of said woman. The hotter she is, the more likely to exhibit such abhorrent behaviour....
I'm married to a woman who doesn't generally pull this shit,

(it'll be 13 years in August),


Paragraph one above: dru, what is it exactly that you're saying about The Mrs.???

Paragraph two above: If she sees paragraph one, at least you had 12 good years..... Wink
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
Keys
Member


Joined: 24 Jul 2006
Posts: 2057
Location: Next to a big dirt lot.
'12 Kymco Agility 125

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm just amused that some members of one gender still think they have the foggiest clue about what's going on in the mind of someone from the other gender. A coupla million years of mankind and still neither one of us knows what's REALLY goin' on with the other one. Those who think they do amuse me. I like to just sit back and watch. Train wrecks are always good entertainment.

--Keys Cool

_________________
"Life without music would Bb"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
lobsterman
Member


Joined: 01 Sep 2006
Posts: 1032
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Orange & Green 06 Buddy 125, Stebelated

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keys,

Did you notice I prefaced my first statement here with this?
Quote:
OK, I have only been married for 21 years so I am nowhere near having this thing figured out with those aliens, but here's my take.


I freely admit I don't have a clue. I have been married to my wife for 21 years, we dated for a year before that and we were best friends for a couple years before that. So I have known her well for 25 years or so. We still only understand each other about 50% of the time. As for all the other females on the planet, they're a mystery to me.

_________________
Kevin
AYPWIP?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   MSN Messenger
GatsbyGirl
Member


Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 140
Location: Los Angeles
Pink Buddy 125 (the 2nd)

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 9:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll let you all in on a little secret. Women completely understand the way men think; we just totally disagree with it. Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
NarMeowZippy
Member


Joined: 18 Aug 2006
Posts: 66
Location: Seattle, WA
Orange Buddy 50cc - aka "Screwdriver"

PostPosted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 10:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GatsbyGirl wrote:
I'll let you all in on a little secret. Women completely understand the way men think; we just totally disagree with it. Laughing


Wow... did you ever hit the nail on the head. Wink Laughing

_________________
It's Scooter-rific!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
gt1000
Member


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 1054
Location: Denver
Buddy 125, Vespa 250 GTS

PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 3:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keys wrote:
I'm just amused that some members of one gender still think they have the foggiest clue about what's going on in the mind of someone from the other gender. A coupla million years of mankind and still neither one of us knows what's REALLY goin' on with the other one. Those who think they do amuse me. I like to just sit back and watch. Train wrecks are always good entertainment.

--Keys Cool


Well, this comment resulted in me having to dry off the mouthful of water I spit-taked onto my Powerbook. I was tempted to chime in a couple of times but figured all I could offer was bad advice. And I've been married for 32 years and have a gorgeous, successful 25 year old daughter. Among my closest friends I think I can count at least an equal number of women as opposed to men. And the one thing I know for sure? I still don't "really" understand women.

The other thing I know for sure is that no matter what dru says, I still dig hot women. Laughing

_________________
Andy

2006 Buddy 125 (orange), going to a good MB home
2009 Vespa 250 GTS (black)
2012 Triumph Tiger 800 (black)
2008 Ducati Hypermotard S, traded for Tiger 800
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
SteMer
Member


Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 310
Location: Silverdale, WA (formerly from Cincinnati)
"Vintage" '06 Buddy 125

PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 3:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sure Dr. Phil would love to help. Smile

http://www.drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=10096
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
Elm Creek Smith
Member


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 655
Location: Owasso, Cherokee Nation, I.T.
Classic Black Budd 125

PostPosted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 6:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GatsbyGirl wrote:
I'll let you all in on a little secret. Women completely understand the way men think; we just totally disagree with it. Laughing


I'm sorry, but you're wrong. Shocked Women only think they completely understand the way men think. Very Happy Men know they don't understand the way women think. Confused Laughing

ECS

_________________
Yes, that is my scooter.
Yes, I wear a helmet and a FIRSTGEAR armored jacket.
No, I'm not embarrassed to be seen riding it.
Yes, that is an NRA sticker on the fender.

"I aim to misbehave."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website
ebcspace
Member


Joined: 27 Sep 2006
Posts: 100
Location: Ontario, CA
'06 Creme Buddy 125, '02 Vespa ET-4

PostPosted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 8:33 am    Post subject: dog whisperer tip Reply with quote

GalacticFattPatt wrote:
You got it all wrong!
This is your chance to really get her wrapped around your finger. Lay into her and let her know that she needs to listen to you when you tell her something. Don't make her cry, but she needs to learn to submit to your will. If you need any tips watch the Dog Whisperer, he has a lot of good tips in dominating and not reasoning.



Nice technique in breaking up the pace of this topic, GalacticFattPatt ! Of course, an experienced (married) man understands the truth of being sensitive and understanding, and also the futility of "winning" an argument and digging your own grave simultaneously. read : "in the doghouse"

Rolling Eyes

by the way, you can download free itunes podcast video episodes from the itunes music store of the Dog Whisperer, to learn more about the technique ! Wink (search the itunes music store for dog whisperer)(free podcasts for National Geographic). mac people out there? you PC people can do it too! Smile

_________________
scoot on!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
peabody99
Member


Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 1787
Location: San Diego
2015 BMW F700GS, 2018 BMW310r, 2016 Yamaha TW200, 1996 Honda Helix(sold), 2007 Buddy 125 (sold 2017)

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

this is not a man- woman issue. rather about how two people in a relationship should treat each other. we do not have her side of the story, but like I said in an earlier post she seems kind of selfish . I would say the same if the genders were changed in the scenerio.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
germ
Member


Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 126
Location: Colorado Springs
Stella 09, Buddy 50

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 2:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Unless you can lift your buddy into bed with you. I would apologize. How are you not supposed to get pissed when someone wrecks your new investment.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
Micah_Prophet
Member


Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Posts: 73
Location: Fort Collins, Colorado
Black Buddy 50

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 6:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Love and Respect - http://www.loveandrespect.com/content/media_center.php

The information is shockingly applicable for men who do not understand most of what the women close to them are saying. They have things to say to women to about understanding men, if any women need that sort of help... They have a strong religious bias (as I do) - don't let that keep you from the hearing what they have to say - the soundbites on their website convey the message pretty well.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message  
illnoise
Moderator Emeritus


Joined: 06 Sep 2006
Posts: 3593
Location: Chicago, IL
Blur 150, various vintage Vespas

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Like everyone else, I only know what I read here, but here's my take:

peabody99 wrote:
this is not a man- woman issue. rather about how two people in a relationship should treat each other. we do not have her side of the story, but like I said in an earlier post she seems kind of selfish . I would say the same if the genders were changed in the scenerio.


EXACTLY! It has nothing to do with her gender, or even her relationship with you, ANYONE taking property from another person without their permission and then damaging it should have the moral fortitude to at least feel bad about it, not to mention to "make it right", rather than trying to blame the victim of the 'crime.' (and if she took it without your permission, it *was* a crime. You could sue her and win, but you're surely too nice a guy to do that.) It sounds like she has no respect for you (not to mention your property). If she loved, cared about, and trusted you, she would have never taken the scooter against your wishes, or if she did make that indiscretion, she would have made it right for you.

Think about if she *had* been hurt. Badly. Would she have demanded your insurance company (or you) pay her medical expenses? Would she have taken *you* to court? It sounds to me like you don't have much of a relationship. I've been walked on and screwed over by enough girls. When I met my wife (of almost 9 years now) I realized that I wasted a lot of time, stress, and money on total deadbeat girlfriends, and I wish someone had told me now what I'm telling you... (actually, they did, and I ignored them, just like you will.) Dump her and find someone that actually cares about you, and write off the loss of the scooter as a very important learning experience about her lack of respect for you.

There are a lot of fish in the sea, and many of those fish have breasts, a motorcycle endorsement, AND wear a full-face helmet.

Bryan

_________________
2strokebuzz: When news breaks, we put it under a tarp in the garage.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   AIM Address
vitaminC
Member


Joined: 07 Aug 2006
Posts: 768
Location: Redwood City, CA
ex '06 B125

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

illnoise wrote:

There are a lot of fish in the sea, and many of those fish have breasts, a motorcycle endorsement, AND wear a full-face helmet.


And if you lower your standards just a bit, think how many of those "fish" meet 2/3 of the above! Wha? Mr. Green
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website
Fueldrum
Member


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 119
Location: Lawrence, KS
Orange Buddy 125

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:56 pm    Post subject: helmets Reply with quote

Wait, so we want our well breasted, motorcycle endorsed women to cover up their faces with a full face?

I feel you're neglecting the beauty that is a smiling women on a scooter in half-helmet!

(Ditto on the slug girlfriend comments, if your girlfriend is in fact a slug and not just making a one-time mistake)

_________________
--Nick
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website
illnoise
Moderator Emeritus


Joined: 06 Sep 2006
Posts: 3593
Location: Chicago, IL
Blur 150, various vintage Vespas

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 10:23 pm    Post subject: Re: helmets Reply with quote

Fueldrum wrote:
I feel you're neglecting the beauty that is a smiling women on a scooter in half-helmet!


It just takes one pebble or facial wasp sting at 50mph to realize you can wait until the ride is over to see her beautiful smiling face.

Bb.

_________________
2strokebuzz: When news breaks, we put it under a tarp in the garage.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   AIM Address
Fueldrum
Member


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 119
Location: Lawrence, KS
Orange Buddy 125

PostPosted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"That's just a beauty mark honey!"
_________________
--Nick
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message   Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Forums » General Discussion Previous topic :: Next topic  Time: GMT
Goto page 1, 2  Next

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum

  Scootergear designed by riders for riders


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
All Content Copyright 2007-2011 by Modern Buddy. All Rights Reserved.