swamp ass

yeauxkneauxit · Post by **yeauxkneauxit** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 3:17 pm

how to avoid it during hot days?

mornings = ok

afternoon = swamp ass

Mr Miller · Post by **Mr Miller** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 3:23 pm

Hard to avoid:-/ you can try "Anti Monkey Butt Powder" they sell it at WalMart. It seems to work pretty well:) try not to park in the sun too.

dawg onit · Post by **dawg onit** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 3:36 pm

+1 on monkey buut

Lostmycage · Post by **Lostmycage** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:03 pm

Beaded seat cover. Ventilation is the key.

iMoses · Post by **iMoses** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 6:26 pm

I just bought a beaded seat cover... seems to work pretty good... I am still using corn starch powder (not talcum powder) and one of the butt waxes (I don't remember the name brand).

ed85379 · Post by **ed85379** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 6:54 pm

This thread is making me feel less weird for having to clip my ass hair to avoid yanking and discomfort on the seat.

At least I'm not having swamp ass!

Vic · Post by **Vic** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:05 pm

iMoses wrote:I just bought a beaded seat cover... seems to work pretty good... I am still using corn starch powder (not talcum powder) and one of the butt waxes (I don't remember the name brand).

You might want to re-think using cornstarch... to put it delicately, yeast feeds on starches.

Yeast can colonize the skin, especially umm, "areas prone to moisture". If you have ever had the need to use products like Lamisil and so on, you were treating a yeast overgrowth.

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/yeast_in ... cle_em.htm

If you don't have this problem, GREAT, lucky you. If you do, though, and you are using starch based products, you might want to find something different to use.

-v

Tocsik · Post by **Tocsik** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:17 pm

ed85379 wrote:This thread is making me feel less weird for having to clip my ass hair to avoid yanking and discomfort on the seat. At least I'm not having swamp ass!

La la la la la la la la...

not listening...

la la la la la la la la

JoshuaTree · Post by **JoshuaTree** » Wed Aug 11, 2010 9:33 pm

Clipping your ass hairs with a flobbie or clippers? BTW Can you scoot past fenway park and get me a paplebon jeresey? Thanks homie.

BootScootin'FireFighter · Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:50 pm

since we're on the topic of swampass, can I inquire about sweaty "cling". Should I ditch the boxers and go with the manthong for longer trips?

Vic · Post by **Vic** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 12:34 am

Oh boy, this thread just gets better and better.

Of course one of my children was walking in front of me as we were heading into the store and had this weird kind of waddle walk thing going on and when I inquired as to the difficulty I was informed that she was dealing with a sweaty-butt.

So, when I really want to make her mad I call her, "SB" and she turns about 16 shades of purple with her eyes popping out of her head and her mouth doing this adorable little "fish" thing before she balls her hands into fists and stalks away with her back as stiff as an angry cat's tail.

Changing a bazillion poopy diapers...$0
Having your little angel blurt out the latest humiliating piece of info about you in public...$0
Being able to utterly humiliate your teenager...priceless!

-v

[email protected] · Post by **[email protected]** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 1:27 am

ed85379 wrote:This thread is making me feel less weird for having to clip my ass hair to avoid yanking and discomfort on the seat. At least I'm not having swamp ass!

clip?

use duct tape

peabody99 · Post by **peabody99** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 1:47 am

swamp ass? my arse is the least of my worries. I could puke I am so hot these days of 100 heat index.
For the most part I have shed the mesh jacket b/c I was entering heat stroke territory. Today I pulled out the 3/4 helmet for the 2nd time this season and was a wreck thinking my face was going to shatter in an accident. Everyday I struggle with which piece of gear can be spared. I end up with long pants, boots, gloves, helmet-hopefully ff...and jacket is the first to go.
Worst. Summer. EVER

Lostmycage · Post by **Lostmycage** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 2:57 am

Seriously, get (or make) a beaded seat cover and use Gold Bond in the morning.

denverscoot50 · Post by **denverscoot50** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:55 am

Pssssttt..... Two words - diaper cream... you didn't hear it from me - ok?

Mr Miller · Post by **Mr Miller** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:14 am

denverscoot50 wrote:Pssssttt..... Two words - diaper cream... you didn't hear it from me - ok?

Tried the diaper cream once, yuck I couldn't stand the texture and smell:-/
But I have heard it works.

Syd · Post by **Syd** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:48 am

There are so many disturbing quotes here...

I. Can't. Resist.

iMoses · Post by **iMoses** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:58 pm

Vic wrote:
iMoses wrote:I just bought a beaded seat cover... seems to work pretty good... I am still using corn starch powder (not talcum powder) and one of the butt waxes (I don't remember the name brand).
You might want to re-think using cornstarch... to put it delicately, yeast feeds on starches.

Yeast can colonize the skin, especially umm, "areas prone to moisture". If you have ever had the need to use products like Lamisil and so on, you were treating a yeast overgrowth.

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/yeast_in ... cle_em.htm

If you don't have this problem, GREAT, lucky you. If you do, though, and you are using starch based products, you might want to find something different to use.

-v

Haven't had any issues... oh by the way it's Gold Bond Plus w/ corn starch if that makes a difference.

KCScooterDude · Post by **KCScooterDude** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:11 pm

We call it wolf grease.

Briefs work better than boxers, which tend to make the problem, uhm, migrate to other areas? Okay, that's good. Use your imagination.

Seriously, though, Under Armor makes some good lightweight stuff that takes care of most of the problem. The English say there is no bad weather, just improper clothing. Performance undergarments - that's your future!

Wheelz · Post by **Wheelz** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:20 pm

KCScooterDude wrote: The English say there is no bad weather, just improper clothing. Performance undergarments - that's your future!

Coming soon to a thread near you: "VooDoo Undies"

Scalpel · Post by **Scalpel** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:22 pm

For long rides, I swear by Ex Oficio underwear. They're pricey, but keep you very comfortable.

siobhan · Post by **siobhan** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:28 pm

Scalpel wrote:For long rides, I swear by Ex Oficio underwear. They're pricey, but keep you very comfortable.

I second the ExOfficio underwear. REI has them on sale sometimes. They dry overnight so you only need a couple of pairs.

I use LDComfort for multi-day rides, which is similar to the UnderArmour heat stuff suggested above.

As for wearing mesh jackets in the heat, I find the regular textile works better if I wet the shirt I'm wearing underneath. You need a good solid bra

Not good for commuting, obviously, unless you work at a Hooters-type establishment.

KABarash · Post by **KABarash** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:29 pm

I know, TMI here.

But however, I'm a briefs kinda guy, the biggest issue I have is, the leg bands and the 'seat seams' of the briefs come together right under my scrawney arse right where the seat radius is, after riding a looong distance one particulary hot day I was rubbed raw something that looked like 'bed sores'!!!

Talk about OWIE!! annnd, I was unable to ride for two weeks!!!!

Where'd you guys find the beaded seat covers for bikes? I've used them for years in my Jeep and other vehicles where the seats are umcomfortable to me.

Vic · Post by **Vic** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:32 pm

Mr Miller wrote:
denverscoot50 wrote:Pssssttt..... Two words - diaper cream... you didn't hear it from me - ok?
Tried the diaper cream once, yuck I couldn't stand the texture and smell:-/
But I have heard it works.

Gak, I could barely tolerate smelling it when my kids needed it, and the plastic helped to sequester the smell...

Wouldn't such a heavy cream make you feel even hotter because it holds the heat in? Kind of like folks that slather Vaseline or whatever all over before swimming in cold water?

I would think it would clog the pores of the skin too... Hmmm, is diaper cream non-comedogenic (sp?)?

Swamp ass traded in for pimple ass... Ugh, both sound horrible to me!

-v

KABarash · Post by **KABarash** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:33 pm

siobhan wrote: You need a good solid bra

I need to start wearing a bra????!!!

cdwise · Post by **cdwise** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:20 pm

Coolmax boxer briefs are what my husband & son swear by for hiking and riding. Available at REI and other places online (half REI price) just make sure that is what they are made of since there are dozens of different brands.

TVB · Post by **TVB** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:56 pm

KCScooterDude wrote:The English say there is no bad weather, just improper clothing.

The English say that because they are heavily in denial. I spent a year in the English rain one summer; I know of what I speak.

TVB · Post by **TVB** » Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:00 pm

KABarash wrote:
siobhan wrote: You need a good solid bra
I need to start wearing a bra????!!!

Continuing to keep it in the pet carrier isn't going to do you any good.

jasondavis48108 · Post by **jasondavis48108** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 1:49 am

siobhan wrote:
Scalpel wrote:For long rides, I swear by Ex Oficio underwear. They're pricey, but keep you very comfortable.
I second the ExOfficio underwear. REI has them on sale sometimes. They dry overnight so you only need a couple of pairs.

I use LDComfort for multi-day rides, which is similar to the UnderArmour heat stuff suggested above.

As for wearing mesh jackets in the heat, I find the regular textile works better if I wet the shirt I'm wearing underneath. You need a good solid bra Not good for commuting, obviously, unless you work at a Hooters-type establishment.

+1 yup they are awesome for scootering but the boxer briefs can ride up your leg and turn into briefs which kinda sucks so for cycling i use the under armor boxer briefs which are almost as awesome with no ride up action

.

rv-rick · Post by **rv-rick** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:01 am

Lostmycage wrote:Seriously, get (or make) a beaded seat cover and use Gold Bond in the morning.

Wally World sells the covers for 4-wheelers. Don't remember the brand.

hardd1 · Post by **hardd1** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 1:06 pm

monkeys what powder??!!.....

Mr Miller · Post by **Mr Miller** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 3:14 pm

Trying these today...

They are sort of spandexy, very slippery. Which should be good for chaffing;)

loodieboy · Post by **loodieboy** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 4:58 pm

Gawd I love this place!

Your wasting your time and money on fancy underpants, or various topical powders, creams, ointments, salves, liniments, ointments, balms, and snake oils. Instead, try olestra.

illnoise · Post by **illnoise** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 5:36 pm

Olestra makes your poop runny, that wouldn't help with swampass at all!

I've had good luck with tight synthetic seamless underwear and the beads, dorky as they look.

Bb.

loodieboy · Post by **loodieboy** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 7:25 pm

illnoise wrote:Olestra makes your poop runny, that wouldn't help with swampass at all!

Au contraire.

KABarash · Post by **KABarash** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 7:31 pm

loodieboy wrote:
illnoise wrote:Olestra makes your poop runny, that wouldn't help with swampass at all!
Au contraire.

I don't wanna know...!!

Mr Miller · Post by **Mr Miller** » Fri Aug 13, 2010 10:08 pm

Sport underwear update, things feel better. The slippery unddies rock the party

denverscoot50 · Post by **denverscoot50** » Sat Aug 14, 2010 1:46 am

denverscoot50 wrote:Pssssttt..... Two words - diaper cream... you didn't hear it from me - ok?

oK so this was for when the damage was done and repairs are needed

BuddyLicious · Post by **BuddyLicious** » Sat Aug 14, 2010 11:50 pm

Honestly this is embarrassing but I'm a no face behind a keyboard so I'll tell you.I use one piece of toilet paper square folded long ways.This is dirt cheap,no mess and can be replaced at will thru out the day as needed.Works great.Oh yea if you use the cheap toilet paper be sure to use more than one square.I know,I know

BuddyRaton · Post by **BuddyRaton** » Sun Aug 15, 2010 12:24 am

BuddyLicious wrote:Honestly this is embarrassing but I'm a no face behind a keyboard so I'll tell you.I use one piece of toilet paper square folded long ways.This is dirt cheap,no mess and can be replaced at will thru out the day as needed.Works great.Oh yea if you use the cheap toilet paper be sure to use more than one square.I know,I know

If it is square how does it have a long ways?

BuddyRaton · Post by **BuddyRaton** » Sun Aug 15, 2010 12:26 am

TVB wrote:
KABarash wrote:
siobhan wrote: You need a good solid bra
I need to start wearing a bra????!!!
Continuing to keep it in the pet carrier isn't going to do you any good.

And you WILL be wearing it once your sig other finds it in the pet carrier!

charlie55 · Post by **charlie55** » Sun Aug 15, 2010 2:25 am

BuddyRaton wrote:
TVB wrote:
KABarash wrote: I need to start wearing a bra????!!!
Continuing to keep it in the pet carrier isn't going to do you any good.

And you WILL be wearing it once your sig other finds it in the pet carrier!

How's this for solid?

bigbropgo · Post by **bigbropgo** » Sun Aug 15, 2010 5:59 am

BuddyLicious wrote:Honestly this is embarrassing but I'm a no face behind a keyboard so I'll tell you.I use one piece of toilet paper square folded long ways.This is dirt cheap,no mess and can be replaced at will thru out the day as needed.Works great.Oh yea if you use the cheap toilet paper be sure to use more than one square.I know,I know

This thread has been so funny to read. I don't really have anything to contribute. I just change my knickers more often.

And then there's this ^, holy crap. Too funny. Dunno if I would have shared but hey, don't knock it till you try it right?

trackpete · Post by **trackpete** » Sun Aug 15, 2010 6:56 am

Scalpel wrote:For long rides, I swear by Ex Oficio underwear. They're pricey, but keep you very comfortable.

Yes. 100%. I cannot recommend these enough, not just for riding but both extreme and everyday use. Whether an unexpected liaison requiring you to wear the same pair the next day or an epic ride in sweltering heat, they will take care of you. As a bonus they don't smell bad or get nasty and sticky or chafe even when they are soaked through - I've worn mine for days completely wet and never had a problem.

Okay, how's this for a little TMI:

7300 miles. 29 days. Three pairs of Ex Officio Give-N-Go briefs... I've washed them once. I usually wear a pair for 4-5 days (letting it breathe at night) then switch it out to the next.

In India I did 2000+ miles (two weeks) in SWELTERING heat with two pairs, and they were pretty soaked all the time (and always comfy).

agrogod · Post by **agrogod** » Sun Aug 15, 2010 9:52 am

Wheelz wrote:
KCScooterDude wrote: The English say there is no bad weather, just improper clothing. Performance undergarments - that's your future!

Coming soon to a thread near you: "VooDoo Undies"

jasondavis48108 · Post by **jasondavis48108** » Sun Aug 15, 2010 1:53 pm

voodoo or no voodoo I'm not wearing though

Rusty Shackleford · Post by **Rusty Shackleford** » Thu Oct 04, 2012 4:33 pm

The last post was over 2 years ago, so for anyone (like myself) who hadn't seen this; Modern Buddy has a Swamp Ass thread. Our mothers would be proud!

My vote for "best reply" is...

Tocsik wrote:
La la la la la la la la...

not listening...

la la la la la la la la

Stormswift · Post by **Stormswift** » Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:24 pm

Every time I come to this board I learn something new.

easy · Post by **easy** » Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:38 pm

STOP SWAMP ASS RIDE NAKED

JAEGER · Post by **JAEGER** » Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:27 pm

I'll put in another plug for the Under Armour skivvies. I switched to them some years ago after suffering from some serious moto-induced swamp ass, and they work like a charm.

--Jaeger

swamp ass

swamp ass

Thread Revival 2012