NSR - have a joke to share ?

EP_scoot · Post by **EP_scoot** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:55 pm

Given that is now officially summer and we are in a lighter mood, I thought it might be fun to share some jokes and have a thread where we can go to get a quick chuckle.

So here is mine:

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.”

Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.” Trying to placate him, she says, “OK, I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?” He says, “I wanna play Mommie and Daddy.”

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, “Fine, I’ll play. What do I do?” Johnny says, “You go up to the bedroom and lie down.” Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs.

Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his father’s old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth and places his left hand halfway inside the front of his pants. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises up and says, “What do I do now?” In a gruff manner, Johnny says, “C'mon woman, get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!”

BA-DA-BUM !

chancerbeans13 · Post by **chancerbeans13** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:57 pm

LMAO...That is great

Mary Jane · Post by **Mary Jane** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:30 pm

Two grandmas were sitting on the bleachers watching their grandkids play ball. The game had gone on quite a while, when one said to the other, "Boy, my butt is so tired of sitting I think it fell asleep."

The second woman said, "Yes, dear, I know....I've heard it snore three times now!"

7eregrine · Post by **7eregrine** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:42 pm

My all-time favorite (GROAN WARNING):

What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died?

NOTHING!

Piedmont · Post by **Piedmont** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:46 pm

7eregrine wrote:My all-time favorite (GROAN WARNING):

What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died?

NOTHING!

That one made me sniffle more than groan.

EP_scoot · Post by **EP_scoot** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:58 pm

And here is one trasnportation related that I remember because of the stinky oil thread.

Amish Humor
Sign behind an Amish carriage:

"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats.

CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!"

BA-DA-BUM
Thank you very much, don't forget to tip your waitress, they have kids, you know !

runtotorun121 · Post by **runtotorun121** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:03 pm

What did the snail say when he took a ride on the back of the turtle?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

bunny · Post by **bunny** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:10 pm

Is this considered a joke? Because I thought it was funny...

<a href="http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/06/2 ... etz/"><img class="mine_1339435" src="http://icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com ... s-land.jpg" alt="cat" /></a>

Piedmont · Post by **Piedmont** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:11 pm

Why shouldn't you play hide and seek in a chinese restaurant?

Because of the Peiking Duck<------Highlight for answer.

jfrost2 · Post by **jfrost2** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:16 pm

I sniffed coke once...................But the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

My friend told me that once.

EP_scoot · Post by **EP_scoot** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:19 pm

And living in Minnesoooota, we have a lot of Ole and Lena jokes for all you Scandihoovians.

VARNING: MinnySoda Compewtr Virus

Ve haf just sent you da NORVEGIAN VIRUS. Since ve do not haf any programming experience and do not know how to actually demage your computir, dis Virus verks on da honor system. Please forward dis Virus to eferyvone on your mailing list and den manually delete all of da files on your hard drive.

Tank you for your cooperation,

Sven and Ole

AND ANOTHER ONE

Ole died of plain old age on a northern MN town. Lena goes to the local newspaper to place an obituary.
The guy at the desk ask: Lena, what would you like it to say?
Norwegians are know for their frugality and Lena is full blooded so she tells the guys at the counter: Ole died

The clerk reponds "well, Lena, the minimum charge is 5 words, so you might as well elaborate a little for the folks in town"

She ponders for a minute and then says "OK, change it to Ole died, boat for sale."
BA-DA-BUM

polianarchy · Post by **polianarchy** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:47 pm

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because 7 8 9 ! <--- highlight for answer!

Threegoofs · Post by **Threegoofs** » Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:34 pm

What did the doe say as she walked out of the woods?

"Ill never do THAT again for two bucks!"